Once upon a time, i never believed in marriage. I told everyone how i abhor that very 'thing' and it should be confiscated from the 'guidebook', the one that are set to be propagated to every mankind. Like a tradition. . .I told everyone, there is no way i am gonna get myself bound to someone, eternally, while carrying a mass of oath upon my shoulder. Never . You know why? It's because i was confined in a circle, where broken strings were mingling around my waist. And i was breathing in an era where, the wives aren't happy with the husbands. Cheating, unhappy, broken , you name it. Well, that was once upon a time . .
I was young and ignorant. I never believed in love. As i let my thoughts unstained, scrubbing it with my eyes wide open, i know love isn't mythical. I witnessed a few lovers, who were already at the verge of their life, where their breathe is already at ease. Yet, i can still see, like the spark is still burning fresh, you can tell , how madly they are in love, still is. That was the most ravishing thing i ever had my eyes set on. Which really thumped me hard. . Not everybody could sense that very feeling. So i swallowed back the words i've hurled once, i know marriage does exist. Good or bad, its how pure your love is to someone that clarifies everything. I should not be punishing myself by those farcical beliefs i've shaped once.
But , look around you. Once upon a time, the couples you've seen were falling head over heels for each other, now, they couldn't even get their hands embraced with one another. Marriage is marked as the most exquisite thing in one's chapter in life, why bother getting it contaminated?
HELLO STRANGER
K U N A !
Love and Relationship ?
Here's a little suggestion . For guys , start tutoring yourself with lessons to be loyal . Hold her , be there for her , take the risk , loosen your ego . Girls were designed with such velvety heart by god . One miniature thing you did could give her a mega and everlasting impact . Do whatever it takes to wrap her face with laughter . Priceless . When she is at her lowest , tighten your grip and push her from the back . Be the jacket to her soul , provide the best security to keep her secured . Keep your promises . And lastly , show her that you are the man . And a true man doesn't land their hands on their girls . =)
For girls , start lessen up your selfishness and be considerate . Stop being too fussy . Relationship doesn't involve on one party only . Start playing your roles and responsibility . They have feelings too . They're not some dildo for you to play with . Hold him , be there for him , let him know that you can be trusted . By the way girls , they are not your financial support or your city bank . Sucking their money out is a severe thing to do .
Here's a little suggestion . For guys , start tutoring yourself with lessons to be loyal . Hold her , be there for her , take the risk , loosen your ego . Girls were designed with such velvety heart by god . One miniature thing you did could give her a mega and everlasting impact . Do whatever it takes to wrap her face with laughter . Priceless . When she is at her lowest , tighten your grip and push her from the back . Be the jacket to her soul , provide the best security to keep her secured . Keep your promises . And lastly , show her that you are the man . And a true man doesn't land their hands on their girls . =)
For girls , start lessen up your selfishness and be considerate . Stop being too fussy . Relationship doesn't involve on one party only . Start playing your roles and responsibility . They have feelings too . They're not some dildo for you to play with . Hold him , be there for him , let him know that you can be trusted . By the way girls , they are not your financial support or your city bank . Sucking their money out is a severe thing to do .
EID !
The holy month of Ramadhan is about to take its departure soon. Tagging the month of Shawwal to administer the next month. As tradition speaks, its the day where tongues acknowledge the falsehood and come clean. Muslims took the gamble to wrap their ego and be apologetic for the day. Apparently, its a fresh new start for the ugly plots they had graphed together long ago. The blunders are marshaled and its time to make the sheets blank again.
I reminisced with every reflections of the past. I am 18 now , standing as a half child half adult. . When i was still a fresh meat, that very day is remarked as one of my favorite day in the calendar. I addressed such false apologies to everyone, to seek for rewards in return. lol. I was a successful entrepreneur back then. As the years flushed by, i lost my flair for that special occasion regarding to such family affairs. The delicacy of the day became paler each year. I lost the temptation to celebrate.
I am pointing my finger at my grandmother for every things she had done. So inhuman of her to pull our packets of joy. She was a harm to every happiness and i am never gonna excuse her from the picture. If it was not for her dirty little secrets, mum and dad would have never let their bonds been broken. If it wasn't for her, we could have preserved our status as a 'happy family' . I am in disguise to even let my gaze stops at her hypocrisy. She's so good in faking her deeds but not good enough. Her inferior actions are now visible enough for others to see. Too bad that the witnesses to her behavior lost their guts to come forward. *sigh* But what goes around comes around nenek. You'll see. Karma does exist and god is fair =)
Enough dramas. I am blending a sincere apologies this time to all my friends, followers, whoever. Happy eid fitri . Forgive me for all my wrongdoings. Words that ought to stab you and so on. Lets all together mend our broken strings. I am signing out now. Good bye.
I reminisced with every reflections of the past. I am 18 now , standing as a half child half adult. . When i was still a fresh meat, that very day is remarked as one of my favorite day in the calendar. I addressed such false apologies to everyone, to seek for rewards in return. lol. I was a successful entrepreneur back then. As the years flushed by, i lost my flair for that special occasion regarding to such family affairs. The delicacy of the day became paler each year. I lost the temptation to celebrate.
I am pointing my finger at my grandmother for every things she had done. So inhuman of her to pull our packets of joy. She was a harm to every happiness and i am never gonna excuse her from the picture. If it was not for her dirty little secrets, mum and dad would have never let their bonds been broken. If it wasn't for her, we could have preserved our status as a 'happy family' . I am in disguise to even let my gaze stops at her hypocrisy. She's so good in faking her deeds but not good enough. Her inferior actions are now visible enough for others to see. Too bad that the witnesses to her behavior lost their guts to come forward. *sigh* But what goes around comes around nenek. You'll see. Karma does exist and god is fair =)
Enough dramas. I am blending a sincere apologies this time to all my friends, followers, whoever. Happy eid fitri . Forgive me for all my wrongdoings. Words that ought to stab you and so on. Lets all together mend our broken strings. I am signing out now. Good bye.
MILLIONAIRE !
My eyes were damaged by the woes and wrathful words that my fingers set free before. As you can see , i already laundered the old posts away from here with a splash of fresh hopes. Trying to keep its purity form. I might be drenching my eyes with regret later but for the time being, its just one tiny step towards my goal on recovering myself fully. It is one of the procedure for me to flip a new chapter and move on.
I breathed in the new air just to brighten my mournful lungs. Rebuild my blood circulation with fresh new blood cells. So, to the people that read my blog habitually, bear with me. It means a lot to me. New followers, thanks for following. Feel free to extract your beliefs here. Sharing is caring. lol. =)
Today, my eardrums vibrated with a cruel story echoed by people around me . It seems that one old lady has been stabbed by a heartless "animal" nearby. And animals are more solicitous in choosing who's life to grab away with purpose of satisfying their hunger.. When they replete their stomach with sufficient dishes, they won't bother looking for other victims until their tank is empty again. Circle of their life. .
Regardless of how, God won't place them in hell for that. But human, with the keen ability given to decide what is good and what is bad, could actually do such thing? massive claps for you for being an animal wannabe.
Nowadays, money is everything. Money, target locked. They had the nerve to put their life or family's life at the edge of jeopardy just for money. But when can they ever rub off their eyesight, and notice that the world has its expiry date . When that day comes, money is just another litter lying on the ground, being flooded by angels' spits. When can they ever realize, there is such thing as after life and buying thousand dollar handbags, or or lambo couldn't guarantee them heaven? Have you done the good deeds enough?
I may not be one of those religious people out there but i had my beliefs and i am trying to change. You may think my words speak louder than action. At least, i am fretting myself with sweats to trim my repulsive attitude.
"hai mambang dollar , mambang ringgit , mambang yen berdampinglah kau dengan ku wahai si mambang , hanya itulah pesan ku wahai mambangggg !
I breathed in the new air just to brighten my mournful lungs. Rebuild my blood circulation with fresh new blood cells. So, to the people that read my blog habitually, bear with me. It means a lot to me. New followers, thanks for following. Feel free to extract your beliefs here. Sharing is caring. lol. =)
Today, my eardrums vibrated with a cruel story echoed by people around me . It seems that one old lady has been stabbed by a heartless "animal" nearby. And animals are more solicitous in choosing who's life to grab away with purpose of satisfying their hunger.. When they replete their stomach with sufficient dishes, they won't bother looking for other victims until their tank is empty again. Circle of their life. .
Regardless of how, God won't place them in hell for that. But human, with the keen ability given to decide what is good and what is bad, could actually do such thing? massive claps for you for being an animal wannabe.
Nowadays, money is everything. Money, target locked. They had the nerve to put their life or family's life at the edge of jeopardy just for money. But when can they ever rub off their eyesight, and notice that the world has its expiry date . When that day comes, money is just another litter lying on the ground, being flooded by angels' spits. When can they ever realize, there is such thing as after life and buying thousand dollar handbags, or or lambo couldn't guarantee them heaven? Have you done the good deeds enough?
I may not be one of those religious people out there but i had my beliefs and i am trying to change. You may think my words speak louder than action. At least, i am fretting myself with sweats to trim my repulsive attitude.
"hai mambang dollar , mambang ringgit , mambang yen berdampinglah kau dengan ku wahai si mambang , hanya itulah pesan ku wahai mambangggg !
crush crush crush
The young girl's name was NUR AISHAH. By nature , she was honest, fragile , virtuous and full of love. So young, so fresh, yet so discriminating. Almost too good to be true.
Her tranquil face defines every possible emotions that one could parade. It was so eloquent, easy to discern. So do her glassy faded blue eyes. Sad, dejected,doleful, all at once. The feelings that she'd shown were visible enough that i could slightly taste her bitter woes. Every emotions that she felt slurping into mine, with their very own ways of communicating. It took me seconds to realize that my eyes were already burning, tears escaped. I was in pain. It wasn't my pain. It was her. I switched my gaze to the other side of the angle. ;[ With intentions that I'd conceal the agony from this young delicate girl;] to make the agony obscured from every gaze. Enough pain I've caused she. Though, i was too late. She's too vigilant to be fooled. Hawk-eyed gaze of her still locked firmly on me. Too sharp that i could still sense the edges even with my eyelids glued .
When i turned back slowly, to have a quick glance of her, that little girl docked the distance that kept us apart. She was just a stretched-hand away from my side. At the corner of her lips had a line crooked a bit, assuming that it was a smile. A smile that haunts with sincerity. Her hands landed gently on my cheeks. So warm yet so soothing. Funny how a very petite hand could do such thing. Her small palm, still neatly affixed on my cheeks when our gaze met . It made me felt less edgy, less antagonizing. A part of me felt abundantly secured. None of the pain was significant anymore. The dolor finally left through out the wide door across my chest. It was phenomenal.
'Don't cry BEN. You look ugly. ' She pressed her lips together into a tight line. Making she look a bit older than her actual age. Her velvety voice were too irresistible for a kid. Forehead creased , creating a few lines that made her look somber.
'BEN? ' Curiosity was anywhere closed to me. My heart beats so fast that it might skipped a few beats. I wonder if she had the wrong person. That isn't my name. Or is it ? How can i not know my own name? Every time i question myself, i will get entirely flummoxed, head spins . I had no answers, it remained inexplicable. I bit my lips, desolated with the failure.
'That is your name. BENJAMIN . BEN . Don't you remember anything? ' Her eyes enlarged, she might burst into tears again. My heart would pop out any second now, swelling with pity and guilt. Seeing her desolated made me weak, unbearable. Knowing, she's my true weakness.
I shook with disagreement. No words left to be spoken. As much as this grieves her, it sure is worst to me. I never thought how dysfunctional my brain could be. Every single memories of mine went missing. Afraid if they're gone for good. I'd do anything to have them back. -- Hurting her was never my option, or even closed to be optional. Every time she called me with that name, Ben, i'd cease my words. Blinking with edginess. As if , she was calling for someone else but its me that she wanted to call for.
' Wh.. where .. am .. i ? ' My breathe shortened a bit. Difficult for me to finish a sentence without letting silent gaps sunder every words i'd say.
I rolled my eyes side by side, scrutinizing every details across the room. Small room , painted with baby blue color. The color diluted somehow, there was black spots on it. ; A dressing table far corner of the room, that looked as though it was about to crack, while, parallel to it lies a small wooden bureau that had bottles of medicines on it. Above me was another wooden shelve that had jumbles of old magazines. Nothing recent. I groaned silently, veiling the disappointment as possible.
' Oh.. You're at the hospital Ben.. ' Salmiah's voice trembles all of the sudden. 'You are still.. urm.. sick. Doctor wouldn't let you out for a few more days' She sighed.
Curiosity kills the cat. I'd die to know every plausible explanation why i am here but i'd want to ask someone else. Salmiah is so delicate, so fragile. Taking risks are something that i am not capable of doing right now. There was a flow of questions marks that were circulating in my bloodstream, waiting for the lucid retorts.
'Salmiah..' I swallowed the lump that was clinging between my throat. She laid her eyes on me without blinking, anxious. ' Is there .. anyone else i could talk to? Perhaps a doctor? ' I pursed my lips, afraid if i might offend her.
Her eyes widened , nodding with agreement.
' Hold on. ' She sprinted out from the room , as if she's in an utter rush. Fear that she'd wound herself for the running. One blink and she was no longer in the scene.
The silence that lasted for quite a spell made me inquisitive about the words that came out from her, that young girl. she was not just another regular girl, she's exceptional. A part of me made me felt adoreable, superduper insane girl which is waited for someone for 6-7years. Although, there was no memories left to be recalled , to reveal who she is, i just know i remember her from somewhere , buried along with my wounded emotion.
p/s : i wish i got a girlfriend like this ! :]
Her tranquil face defines every possible emotions that one could parade. It was so eloquent, easy to discern. So do her glassy faded blue eyes. Sad, dejected,doleful, all at once. The feelings that she'd shown were visible enough that i could slightly taste her bitter woes. Every emotions that she felt slurping into mine, with their very own ways of communicating. It took me seconds to realize that my eyes were already burning, tears escaped. I was in pain. It wasn't my pain. It was her. I switched my gaze to the other side of the angle. ;[ With intentions that I'd conceal the agony from this young delicate girl;] to make the agony obscured from every gaze. Enough pain I've caused she. Though, i was too late. She's too vigilant to be fooled. Hawk-eyed gaze of her still locked firmly on me. Too sharp that i could still sense the edges even with my eyelids glued .
When i turned back slowly, to have a quick glance of her, that little girl docked the distance that kept us apart. She was just a stretched-hand away from my side. At the corner of her lips had a line crooked a bit, assuming that it was a smile. A smile that haunts with sincerity. Her hands landed gently on my cheeks. So warm yet so soothing. Funny how a very petite hand could do such thing. Her small palm, still neatly affixed on my cheeks when our gaze met . It made me felt less edgy, less antagonizing. A part of me felt abundantly secured. None of the pain was significant anymore. The dolor finally left through out the wide door across my chest. It was phenomenal.
'Don't cry BEN. You look ugly. ' She pressed her lips together into a tight line. Making she look a bit older than her actual age. Her velvety voice were too irresistible for a kid. Forehead creased , creating a few lines that made her look somber.
'BEN? ' Curiosity was anywhere closed to me. My heart beats so fast that it might skipped a few beats. I wonder if she had the wrong person. That isn't my name. Or is it ? How can i not know my own name? Every time i question myself, i will get entirely flummoxed, head spins . I had no answers, it remained inexplicable. I bit my lips, desolated with the failure.
'That is your name. BENJAMIN . BEN . Don't you remember anything? ' Her eyes enlarged, she might burst into tears again. My heart would pop out any second now, swelling with pity and guilt. Seeing her desolated made me weak, unbearable. Knowing, she's my true weakness.
I shook with disagreement. No words left to be spoken. As much as this grieves her, it sure is worst to me. I never thought how dysfunctional my brain could be. Every single memories of mine went missing. Afraid if they're gone for good. I'd do anything to have them back. -- Hurting her was never my option, or even closed to be optional. Every time she called me with that name, Ben, i'd cease my words. Blinking with edginess. As if , she was calling for someone else but its me that she wanted to call for.
' Wh.. where .. am .. i ? ' My breathe shortened a bit. Difficult for me to finish a sentence without letting silent gaps sunder every words i'd say.
I rolled my eyes side by side, scrutinizing every details across the room. Small room , painted with baby blue color. The color diluted somehow, there was black spots on it. ; A dressing table far corner of the room, that looked as though it was about to crack, while, parallel to it lies a small wooden bureau that had bottles of medicines on it. Above me was another wooden shelve that had jumbles of old magazines. Nothing recent. I groaned silently, veiling the disappointment as possible.
' Oh.. You're at the hospital Ben.. ' Salmiah's voice trembles all of the sudden. 'You are still.. urm.. sick. Doctor wouldn't let you out for a few more days' She sighed.
Curiosity kills the cat. I'd die to know every plausible explanation why i am here but i'd want to ask someone else. Salmiah is so delicate, so fragile. Taking risks are something that i am not capable of doing right now. There was a flow of questions marks that were circulating in my bloodstream, waiting for the lucid retorts.
'Salmiah..' I swallowed the lump that was clinging between my throat. She laid her eyes on me without blinking, anxious. ' Is there .. anyone else i could talk to? Perhaps a doctor? ' I pursed my lips, afraid if i might offend her.
Her eyes widened , nodding with agreement.
' Hold on. ' She sprinted out from the room , as if she's in an utter rush. Fear that she'd wound herself for the running. One blink and she was no longer in the scene.
The silence that lasted for quite a spell made me inquisitive about the words that came out from her, that young girl. she was not just another regular girl, she's exceptional. A part of me made me felt adoreable, superduper insane girl which is waited for someone for 6-7years. Although, there was no memories left to be recalled , to reveal who she is, i just know i remember her from somewhere , buried along with my wounded emotion.
p/s : i wish i got a girlfriend like this ! :]
THE FEAR
What Is Your Greatest FEAR?
Here is my greatest FEAR is . . .
Your greatest fear is being alone. Living in a world where you are the only one. No matter where you turn or where you go no one will hear your calls.
My fingers were burning with curiosity as i first caught a glimpse of this very word 'FEAR'. I then let them fingers took control and those were the words that flooded my screen. Of course, i was jolted at first because the words aligned, defines what my fear has been all about. True, i am a full-time chicken when it comes to tick my mind off by saying that i have no one. I already unwrapped the cloth that covered my eyes all this while, i know i still have my parents, family, friends. But, as my mind reminisce with reality, do some research about the circle of life, i have to gulp in the fact that says none of them lives forever, don't they?
I already took an oath to not witness anyone that i love leaves me without any will to do so. A silly oath made by an idiot after my uncle's last breath . A continuous fear i must live with . I need to learn to squeeze myself and fit in the shape of destiny where god had created even before ADAM was created. Learn to adapt with the life that does not make any sense. I was so comfortable being girdled by a bunch of people before that it was a complete nuisance for me to be living alone now. But, as years pass by, i realize that i was running out of friends long ago. People walk in and out from my life as though i am some kind of retail shop. I realize i was being used for certain reasons. I had lost most of the group of people. People that i once called 'friends'.
Last few months, i was assigned to talk about my fear, i said my biggest fear was losing people that i LOVE. Still is and forever will. I wish i could bury the fear alive and move on with other pieces of my life, but i guess it is rather impossible for that to happen. Credit to LIYANNA AQILAH for lend the laptop . Neither of my cells couldn`t scrap your name off ;] SIAKAP 3RASA SATUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !
So, tell me readers, what is your biggest fear? ;]
Here is my greatest FEAR is . . .
Your greatest fear is being alone. Living in a world where you are the only one. No matter where you turn or where you go no one will hear your calls.
My fingers were burning with curiosity as i first caught a glimpse of this very word 'FEAR'. I then let them fingers took control and those were the words that flooded my screen. Of course, i was jolted at first because the words aligned, defines what my fear has been all about. True, i am a full-time chicken when it comes to tick my mind off by saying that i have no one. I already unwrapped the cloth that covered my eyes all this while, i know i still have my parents, family, friends. But, as my mind reminisce with reality, do some research about the circle of life, i have to gulp in the fact that says none of them lives forever, don't they?
I already took an oath to not witness anyone that i love leaves me without any will to do so. A silly oath made by an idiot after my uncle's last breath . A continuous fear i must live with . I need to learn to squeeze myself and fit in the shape of destiny where god had created even before ADAM was created. Learn to adapt with the life that does not make any sense. I was so comfortable being girdled by a bunch of people before that it was a complete nuisance for me to be living alone now. But, as years pass by, i realize that i was running out of friends long ago. People walk in and out from my life as though i am some kind of retail shop. I realize i was being used for certain reasons. I had lost most of the group of people. People that i once called 'friends'.
Last few months, i was assigned to talk about my fear, i said my biggest fear was losing people that i LOVE. Still is and forever will. I wish i could bury the fear alive and move on with other pieces of my life, but i guess it is rather impossible for that to happen. Credit to LIYANNA AQILAH for lend the laptop . Neither of my cells couldn`t scrap your name off ;] SIAKAP 3RASA SATUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !
So, tell me readers, what is your biggest fear? ;]
Same goes to you
You said, i was caught up in
the history, still trifling with
the bitter memories of mine.
You landed your pointy finger
at me, hurling absurd
judgements that i, myself ,
had never let any of those
says came across my mind. My
thoughts are mingled now.
Worst than any mixtures of
shits and bullshits.
But, you got it all wrong this
time . Guess, the scribbled
says in my mind are no longer
visible to your eyes. I held
back my tears but it had
already carved a pathway for
their perfect getaway.
Indication to my loss for my
sacred pride and ego. lol.
Thanks a lot.
I said, a past is a past for me.
It is one of those chapters in
my book that i can never
neglect. Truth is, i end up
smothering myself with tears,
sobbing like a baby, whenever
i reminisce with my past. It is
a despicable nightmare for
me . I had pledged myself to
forget, move on , get over it.
But here i am,still trying to
live my life with ease but i
failed. There's a string that
linked me to the past
somehow buried along with
my wounded emotion. I wish
you'd be in my shoes. Breathe
the air that i breathe.
Tears were always the fullstop
to a memory. I am not pining
for the history i was trapped
into once upon a time. I took
an oath to not let the repeat
button been pushed again.
But, How can anyone could
ever scratch the past from his
mind if its the most shittiest
part that one could ever
swallow?
the history, still trifling with
the bitter memories of mine.
You landed your pointy finger
at me, hurling absurd
judgements that i, myself ,
had never let any of those
says came across my mind. My
thoughts are mingled now.
Worst than any mixtures of
shits and bullshits.
But, you got it all wrong this
time . Guess, the scribbled
says in my mind are no longer
visible to your eyes. I held
back my tears but it had
already carved a pathway for
their perfect getaway.
Indication to my loss for my
sacred pride and ego. lol.
Thanks a lot.
I said, a past is a past for me.
It is one of those chapters in
my book that i can never
neglect. Truth is, i end up
smothering myself with tears,
sobbing like a baby, whenever
i reminisce with my past. It is
a despicable nightmare for
me . I had pledged myself to
forget, move on , get over it.
But here i am,still trying to
live my life with ease but i
failed. There's a string that
linked me to the past
somehow buried along with
my wounded emotion. I wish
you'd be in my shoes. Breathe
the air that i breathe.
Tears were always the fullstop
to a memory. I am not pining
for the history i was trapped
into once upon a time. I took
an oath to not let the repeat
button been pushed again.
But, How can anyone could
ever scratch the past from his
mind if its the most shittiest
part that one could ever
swallow?
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